Roller coaster of Emotion

So I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster ride for a little while. This is because of the fact that I am making a big move. Originally, I was hoping to take months to evaluate what I wanted to get rid of. Unfortunately, this move has put everything into hyper drive. I have had to make quick decisions on what I want to keep. Perhaps this is a kick in the butt to get everything going. I have also felt overwhelmed by this quick move. The emotions I have felt in the span of even a few hours, have gone from elated excitement, to the other extreme, thinking what am I doing?

When it comes down to it, I know this move will be the best thing for me long term. In the immediate everything feels like a risk. Especially with the current state of the world. I know at times, I am over thinking this whole move. I keep coming around to the idea that I am unhappy where I am at right now. I realize I haven’t mentioned where I am moving to. I will just say that I am moving to a major city. Having spent the majority of my life in small town USA, I know that there is no future here for me here. I want to experience the bigger world. The only reason for me to stay is because it is familiar and safe. I have spoken about how growth only comes from times of discomfort, and I believe this is true here as well. If I were to pass up this opportunity to move to “The big city” how would I feel looking back in five years? Would I tell myself, I should have just gone? Would I be overcome by regret for giving into fear of the unknown? Along with my emotional extremes about this move, I know I would not be happy staying where I am. Yet, I keep turning it over and over in my mind. Is what I am chasing going to yield the return I am looking for? Or would I better off staying where I am.

Deep down, I know this is a normal reaction to change. The kind of buyers remorse people feel after making big ticket purchases. I know that it is normal to feel this mix of emotion. But, the uncertainty of the moment will lead to great things. If I pass on this opportunity, I would only look back and sigh to think where I could be, if only I acted and leaned into that fear. Time will only tell how things will turn out, but I also know this is not the only opportunity that will come in my life. So, what if I move and it’s not the perfect place for me. I know there will be growing pains and culture shock. But like everything in life it is temporary. I have no doubt if things are truly terrible, I can find a way to make another change. Maybe a move back to a small town or to a new city.

This has been an emotional roller coaster and it has many ups, downs, and loopdie-loops, but I think that if I acknowledge them and ride the wave of emotion, I will be ok in the end. There is still much I need to do to make this move happen. But one way or the other I know I am moving. I do not want to remain where I am just because it is safe. I want to live somewhere that forces me to be better everyday that challenges me to new heights. There are many rewards to be found for taking a leap of faith. Things are moving quickly and as bag after bag of items are dragged out the door, I find myself moving closer to that all-too-fearful leap to the other side. Like in all things, starting out can feel like the hardest part, but as the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu stated, “A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step”. This process of determining what I want to keep in my life and evaluating my possessions has been the starting point to making a much larger journey. Eventually, my worry will pass, as the unfamiliar becomes familiar, as the street signs make more sense. I know it will be worth the worry and fear to look back and see the rewards gained from this single opportunity. There may be some time when I will be unable to post, but once everything settles a little I will come back to posting and keeping an update of my emotions and the process of making a step towards greater unknown.