"Joy Suckers"

Something I want to talk about are people who are “Joy suckers”. These are the people who will always tell you why you are going to fail, or why they think what you are doing is wrong. The people who after sharing your exciting new idea to start a new business will look at you and tell you that it could never work.

I truly wish there was a better term than the typical naysayer. Mainly because a naysayer should be just that – someone who says no (or nay). But I believe these people go beyond the simple act of saying no and naysaying. These are people who will suck the joy you have for that creative endeavor. The people who will push you to do the safe option when it comes to your life.

Speaking personally, I have known plenty of these people, and the term I will use is “Joy suckers” because these people will suck the joy out of anything you find exciting. Typically, these will be people who are older and feel they can share their “Divine” introspective on the world. Sometimes they might even tell you about a time when they thought about doing something like write a novel, or move to France to become a poet, or play an instrument, learn a language. You get the idea. Any bright new discovery you have had about life, they feel it is their responsibility to ground you. The people who will shout why do you want to study writing, and laugh at you when you tell them that you’ve had over a dozen stories published, and have never been paid over twenty dollars for your writing. But, the truth at the end of the day is that these are usually from small sighted people. The kind who have never once thought of moving to another city, have never once thought about trying something out of the ordinary. To them, you come across a lunatic who has just not accepted how the world works.

I believe that these people are more numerous in number than we might realize. These are the non-dreamers, the safe-thinkers, the ones who never understand why you are chasing something so fervently, and frankly, no matter how hard you try and explain it to them, they will never understand. Think of the father character from the movie “Dead Poets Society”. (For those of you who missed this movie, I highly recommend finding it.) Focusing on the relationship between the father character and the son. The son has a deep love and joy for acting, and naturally, his father does not approve of this. His father demands that he quit all that acting nonsense, so that the boy can focus on his studies. In the film, the boy has a deep discovery of his joy for the theater, and his father being the “Joy Sucker” that he is condemns his son for his love.

So, how does all this tie into the journey of decluttering your life and moving towards finding deeper meaning. I believe along with decluttering items from your home and your life, it is also important to evaluate past friendships and even family relationships. Think about how many times your fiery idea for some new project has been destroyed after you wake up the next morning, excited to share your discovery with a person who turns out to be a joy sucker. It’s terrible. You come into the room, or frantically call them on the telephone, ready to shout your discovery. Ready to share your bright joy. To jump up in front of them and tell them you are finally going to move to Spain, or rent that store front. You are going to chase a dream. You are going to fulfill a long-sought passion. You are a ball of energy. Only then they look at you and say something like, “No you won’t or what are you going to do about money. You need to have a job. You won’t make it long. They will quickly try and lasso you and pull you down from the clouds, pull you down from your dreaming. Like the mad captain Ahab, they will stop at nothing to hunt you down and kill your dream.

By removing these people from your life, or simply avoiding telling and sharing your dreams and aspirations you will find more joy in keeping your ideas secret. Not everyone will be a joy sucker. I’m sure you can think of at least a few who are in your life right now. Like all things in one’s life it might be worth evaluating these relationships and think about what they bring into your life. If they do nothing but harm you and deplete the zeal in your heart, then they might be well to be left in a donation box along with the clothes that no longer fit. All things to consider on this journey, and while you are looking through your closets and attics for seldom worn items, why not also reevaluate the relationships you keep with the people around you. As always thank you for reading.