A Question before You Date: Why do you want to date so much?

Many of us grow up in a society and houses where no one ever sits down and explains to you how to traverse the dating world. And, even if, let us say your father sat down with you and explained the intricacies of dating, it would all be outdated information. Obviously, take the generation before, and try and do half the things that worked back then, and today you will be laughed out of the dating market, so fast your head would spin.

It sounds odd, but yes, times have changed, and they are increasingly changing faster each year. So, let me ask you the question, why do any of us chose to date? Why is it that children, boys and girls, assume that everyone ends up married with kids? Because their experiences at a young age are limited to their home; they guess everyone lives like I do. Everyone I know has a mom and dad; therefore, everyone who is an adult gets married and has kids.

If any of us could go back in time and save ourselves from poor dating decisions, I am sure we all would. Go back and tell our naive self that dating this girl, or that, will not culminate in the fairytale ending we hopped for. Adolescence is perhaps the most awkward time of our life. No one knows the rules; it is all speculation. By the time you reach high school, it is so messed up, you date just to not be the weird person outside of the clique of friends.

It is interesting how much we all thought the social hierarchy at our high school mattered. How important it was that we sit at the right table, so we can align ourselves with the right people. If only we could get that one girl to notice us, we could be popular, too. Any of this sound familiar?

We imagine the world we are in to be the most important lynchpin in the make up of the universe. Every person that signs our yearbook is essential to our future lives. We imagine laughing years after graduating, about the kid that sprayed milk out their nose.

Yet, the truth is none of it matters. Yes, you might learn basic skills in high school, and I do not want to in any way down play the role of teachers, but when was the last time you used a Ti84 calculator to find the sum of a triangle?

Likewise, when was the last time you spoke to anyone from high school? I am not discounting that some of us might still talk to one, or possibly, two friends from high school. But, are the couples still together? Is it still important that you try and date Jessica from third period? No! In fact, most of us end up moving away from our small hometowns. Even if we stick around, how often do you pass by the old high school? Seriously! If you do not work at the school, there is no reason for you to ever show back up to high school.

You will also quickly realize that all those girls you had crushes on and fantasized about being their boyfriend were literally children. Do not be a creep! It was only okay at the time because you were a child, too.

Remove yourself from the high school environment, and you realize none of it mattered a great deal. The world does not stop spinning if you fail drivers ed, or if you lose in the football game. It is a miniscule moment in time, four years out of your entire life that slips into the distant memory of time.

The people and friends you once knew move away, start families. Time and distance come between you, and over the years, these people fade into the crowd of memories. So, are men who chose to date looking to reclaim a piece of their childhood, hoping against hope that they will finally get the girl they pine for? Is it from a societal pressure that begins before we are even old enough to comprehend it? The belief that all boys and girls grow up, and eventually fall in love, settle down, and start families? The expectations thrust upon us by older generations, where their rules no longer apply, but still demand the same outcome?

Across the board, men are getting married less and less. Dating culture has rapidly deteriorated over the years, and common courtesies have all but gone the way of the dinosaurs. No longer are people being dumped or even rejected. The person just disappears whether after a date, or a month. The text messages just never get a response. Because it is simply easier to never respond than to risk replying and the other person blowing up about it.

Well, if someone is going to be a coward and not even offer the decency of telling me I am just not the one, then so be it. There are plenty of men out there who might lose their cool, and in fact, freak out. But I believe this idea that all men have such fragile egos, that we cannot withstand a rejection to be overdone. Whether by the numerous videos played across the internet, or perhaps a rough breakup story.

Ask anyone and you will quickly discover that everyone has a bad breakup story, just like how almost everyone has a bad drinking story (especially tequila) but does this mean that it is impossible to drink and not end up puking your guts out? No. Overtime, learn your limits, make smarter choices. It is possible, believe it or not, to sip on a nice whiskey, and simply enjoy it without the almost ending up in the hospital or jail shenanigans.

It is also possible to tell someone the truth and to be understanding. The best approach to rejection for all things in life is to NEVER TAKE IT PERSONALLY.! Everyone gets rejected at some point. We would literally have no musicians, artists, writers, actors, if rejection could not be overcome. The human race would not be on the planet if rejection was a death sentence, so why do we take rejection personally when it comes to dating?

I certainly understand the argument that it is just not worth putting myself out there anymore because I am too overwhelmed with rejection. But do you want to really be with someone who is not that into you to begin with? I am not saying that every relationship has to start with the butterfly-tingles, bell-ringing, notebook, heroin-addicted attraction. There does need to be an attraction there for something to build on, and if someone does not have the decency to send a text telling you it is just not going to work, take the moral highroad and move on.

I have gone on what I thought were fun first dates, and at the end of them, I have asked if she would like to go on a second date. (Sometimes before she gets back to her car.) I have been told yes, but I have also been told no. If she tells me no, here is what I do not do: I do not whine and try and guilt her into a second date, "c'mon just give me a chance. We can make this work." I do not blow up, get aggressive, or tell her to get lost. I simply thank her for the opportunity. I tell her it was nice to meet you, and that I wish her well in finding what she is looking for.

Do not waste your time on people who do not value you. This is not an empowerment piece of advice, but rather a freeing notion. Just like the girls you had crushes on in grade school, it will not matter in a year or two. Do not take rejection personally. Hold your head high and keep moving forward. There is always another opportunity around the corner.

The best solution I can give to ghosting is learn to get comfortable with rejection. Accept that it is a part of life. You could certainly go your whole life doing the best you can to avoid rejection, but like the great Wayne Gretzky said, "You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don't take."

You could skate through an entire hockey game and never once shoot the puck because, well, what if I miss? For many men this is the approach to dating today. I do not want to get rejected, so I will just stay passive.

I see all the men and women complaining about how difficult it is to approach people in the real world. Men say, I do not want to get called out for being a creep. In return, women cry in their cars about why men no longer approach them.

All the best things in life come with the danger of rejection. Start a business, write a book, talk to a girl, apply for a better job. If your answer to the question of if you want to date is yes, then go for it. Accept that rejection will happen, but do not skate around with a puck for three periods. You will never win a single match that way, and it would be the worst thing to watch.

If you want to date and it is for your own reasons, then go for it. Do not go into it because of expectations, or societal pressures, but if you want to date, go for it. Go into it with a douse of humility; because rejection is always on the horizon. Now go shoot your shot!