What is Your True Dating Value?

In the age of viral videos and social media, it is easy for men to lament that they are not attractive to women. A common conversation occurring online is are men even necessary? According to the loudest voices in the internet space, men are not able to measure up to the inflated wants of the modern day woman. Has this always been the case, though, and has it only recently become prevalent with the rise of websites like TikTok?

Men find themselves on increasingly shaky ground, and the majority of men are turning away from dating because of the issues they face in the modern market. It can be easy for men to question their own attractiveness, and in turn, their own dating value. The standards for what is believed all women want in a partner is arguably delusional. The magic number of six applied to everything. Must be: Six foot tall (taller is better) must make a six-figure income (again more is better) must have a six-pack (more muscles is better here too)

It is incredibly easy to see this narrative played out time and time again. And men of all ages champion it as the excuse for why they do not bother talking to women today. They believe they are already rejected before they ever approach; because their own sense of self has become so diminished, so devalued by comparison. What chance does the average guy have today when compared to the male models on Instagram?

Is it just part of the new dating landscape, only the best among us, ever get to be in a long term committed relationship, or even get any interest at all?

Is every man without a high income salary destitute of dating options? If you have been following this blog so far, you will know the answer to all this is no. Short men still find women that are attracted to them, just the same as low-income earners and dadbods are capable of attracting women. It is not a new anomaly either, but rather a survival mechanism going back to our cave people days. What gives the next generation the best chance of survival?

A brief note for the women out there, if you are only looking for a man over six feet tall, understand you have already greatly diminished your dating pool. Possibly more so than getting a face tattoo might, just saying. According to an article from Verywellhealth.com "The average height for American men is 5 feet, 9 inches."

Of course these are all superficial metrics of attraction, and can certainly be applied easily to online dating apps, where these are the only metrics available through a set number of pictures and a brief (often irrelevant) bio. This article also rightly identifies this about height, "Height isn’t a determination of your worth or masculinity—it’s simply a measurement,"

Too often as men, we see our value in comparison to others around us. If we are the best free throw shooter on our basketball team, we feel a sense of pride and confidence every time we come to the line. Because we know we are capable and confident by comparison to the other guys we are playing with. It takes the edge off if you do miss the shot because you know you had the best chance of making it on your team.

The big issue arises in the dating world, however when we introduce dating apps and a much wider range of men that are not on our team, or even in our home country. How are we supposed to compete with this guy who lives half way across the world, and just so happens to be able to dunk from the free throw line?

Comparison to others will rob you of any joy in your life. Ask yourself why does it matter that you are not the best at everything? Sticking with the basketball metaphor, even Michael Jordan was not the greatest baseball player.

Likewise, we are all at different stages of this journey called life. Think about the value you have outside the apps, the intangibles that cannot be presented in a set number of candid pictures. If you are, or even attempting, to be your best self, then you have value. Trust that over time your value will continue to grow. Forget the superficial models on Instagram, they are not you, and you are not them.

Every man has something he is comparable at. Even if you are not the best in the world at it, you can continue to improve at it, whether it is being the best banjo player, woodworker, or karaoke star. (maybe not banjo player) You should not feel the desire to measure up to impossible standards. But, I am also sorry to say that just like a superstar quarterback on IR you do not simply have value for existing.

Rather, I think value is something you create for yourself, and it is subjective. A woman might not be looking for a man who is the greatest basketball player (I know I am using a lot of sports analogies here) a woman might be looking for something you already value, and that is something that you can share together in a compatible match.

We should not feel inadequate as men because we cannot dunk or play in the NFL.

Discover what it is you value in yourself, and this will help shine a light through the dark times of modern dating.

Additionally, your value in society can often be dictated by what you provide as a man, but it should not be what you provide to a woman on a first or second date.

Again, dating apps are not measures of you as a whole picture, but rather a brief glance or snapshot. Work on yourself by any means you can to improve. The value you have in the dating market goes beyond the apps. Talk to a woman at the grocery store, or in a bookstore. A woman might be looking for something as simple as a decent man.

There is no denying that much of the dating world that is seen through apps is superficial, and while I doubt, you would be successful in persuading a woman that does demand the number six applied to all things, that she should take a chance on you.

It is important to return the question posed, and seek comfort in asking it of all things similar to Marie Kondo's question of "Does this bring me joy?" Ask yourself does dating have value? Is this the best use of your time as a man? Could you instead spend time with your friends or in the gym, or your own business? Time, your time, is the most valuable commodity on this planet, so use it wisely.

It is easy to fall prey to the idea that because we are not a certain height that means we are not "Man enough."

Time well spent can be the difference between being in shape or not being able to put your socks on without a mirror. Father time is undefeated, and none of get out of this life alive, so let that put a fire in your gut, and value yourself.