Bad Habits and Identity

We’ve had some discussion about the idea of developing hood habits, now might be a time to touch on why bad habits are hard to kick. I’ve mentioned before the idea of these bad habits being muscles that we have grown fond of relying on. But I think it goes deeper than just the strength of the bad habit muscle. My guess, is to a degree our bad habits become so hard to kick because if we’ve had some for a long enough time, it becomes part of our identity. I don’t mean the identity in the way that people think of us, though that is definitely part of our self-identity. Think of how Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones is easily identified by his drunken swagger and cigarette hanging from his mouth as he plays satisfaction on guitar.

It is not the way friends might expect us to drink until we pass out on the floor. The identity that keeps bad habits around for so long is the identity we have for our self. Identity is one of those tricky subjects that cause people to fear change. Because to change is to challenge one’s own identity. And if you don’t know who you are, then nobody else will. One risks the chance of losing the self that has been familiar for possibly decades. Loss of identity is one of the scariest things, because it becomes woven in our DNA. To lose one’s own identity is like being revealed to the lie that he or she has been living. The proverbial curtain has been pulled back and standing behind the great Oz is a man at a control panel.

Depending on how deep, and how long we have held to this identity, losing it becomes more dramatic and catastrophic. Consider UFC Fighter Ronda Rousy, for years it was thought no one would ever beat her. This led to quite the upset when Holly Holmes finally did the unthinkable. I remember watching an interview, after the fight, of Rousy in tears. Despite all the victories Rousy had. In one loss, she found herself questioning everything she believed. In short, her identity was shattered.

When we see ourselves with certain habits, we begin to think they are impossible to overcome. “Well, I tried before, but it didn’t last. I went back to (bad habit). We begin to see ourselves as not being our self without this habit. This leads to us losing sight of the many things we have achieved. In turn, we become overly critical of who we are. In many cases, when one decides or is forced to change his or her identity it can lead to him or her feeling lost without a road map.

This is the time for self-discovery. It can feel frightening to let go of what has been comfortable for so long. I like to imagine, standing near a cliff ledge. To get the best view possible, I know I will need to edge my way out towards the ledge. But what if I fall? I could die? The hard truth, reader, is you could die crossing the road, or even standing in your front lawn. Besides you do not need the imagery I choose to use. Maybe something less dangerous. Say, standing back stage and having to inch your way to the spot light. This idea of being in front of others might be more terrifying than the image above. But take your pick.

The point is change is often uncomfortable and requires a bit of risk. I think trying to get rid of bad habits and develop good habits at the same time can be overly stressful. To restate my advice is to work on building the muscles that allow you to develop good habits by making small changes. It is important not to lose sight of all things you’ve accomplished. Know that if you get knocked out one time, it does not diminish all the times you’ve been the one standing at the end. Trust, that it takes time.

As someone who lost my entire identity of self, and had to rebuild how I saw myself fitting into the world. I know first hand the challenge that self-exploration brings. The big fear that I remember most was, what if this new self didn’t work out? I suppose it was best that I had my stroke when I did. This is because at thirteen very few people have a strong sense of identity. Yet, the truth that I believe is that change can occur at any time in anyone’s life. Because what is beyond that fear of uncertainty is the brightest future you can bring about for yourself.

The ability to get the barbs of bad habits out of your every day comes with a deal of identity crisis, but this identity crisis can be shed like a snake’s skin and what is left behind is truer self with a stronger conviction to bettering one’s life. So, my advice, is to stop thinking about yourself as someone who is trying to stop your bad habits and try and view yourself as someone who has these good habits already. Soon, day, after day, as these good habits take root the barbs of bad habits will detach and be replaced by better newer habits.