If I had a Time Machine

Today for my job, I was asked “If you had a time machine would you go back in time and do something to change [your stroke from happening?] This is a question I have in fact contemplated to great length. Especially in those late hours lying awake in the hospital bed. Thinking to myself if only something like a time machine could be invented. Maybe, I could have taken a dose of aspirin to thin my blood and keep myself from ever having a stroke. This is a fantasy I am sure many think of when tragedy befalls them. If only I had done this, if only something could be different.

This is a sign that someone is stuck in the past, and while I do believe it is important to dwell on the past for at least a little while. It is dangerous to overstay your welcome. With this thought in mind, I can say, yes at several points, in the early stages of recover my mind would often return to that fateful day. Replaying it over in my mind with the question if only.

It was a few years back that my opinion on this time machine question changed to that of acceptance. My answer to this question is now no. I would not, if given the opportunity to go back in time, prevent my stroke. I would like to think it is this kind of thinking that represents acceptance and healing. Now, I am sure there are many of you out there who would think I am crazy not to jump at the chance to fund such a project and get full use of my body. It is this kind of hopeful wishing that leaves one tethered to the past.

If I consider all the things my stroke has brought me. I would not trade it for the chance to live without my disability. There is no certainty that I would be any better off had I never had the stroke in the first place. Why is this? I can already hear many of you asking or writing in the comments of this blog *hint hint* please write in the comments of my blog. The struggles that I have overcome, have given me a sense of strength and have revealed to me the true grit that I have. In a way, my stroke has pushed me to overcome any challenge that it has brought. This in turn, has given me a stronger work ethic, more empathy for others, and overall has made me a better person than I would be without the incident.

This doesn’t mean, that I still face my share of challenges and frustrations from the effects of my stroke. Living in a rural area greatly limits my transportation options, and where I can live as a whole. I still face rude comments from strangers on occasion. But any and all challenges, are worth the trouble as it has built my character. What my near-death experience did for me was it pushed me to challenge my own identity, challenged me to be a better person. Even if that meant having to work harder than most.

It has shown me how capable I am of overcoming. I hope this is the realization of anyone who has faced tragedy. Though I am aware it takes a very long time to come to this level of acceptance. My stroke does not define me, but it is one of the most important events in my life. I am stronger, because of what I have overcome. So, to summarize. Would I change any of the events in my past? The answer is a resounding no. Every tragedy and hardship I have faced in my life has been a learning experience and has culminated in the person that I am today. And for that, I am incredibly thankful.